The Idiot's Test
by Eldest Tempest
Summary: Ryō Asama is regarded by many to be an utter idiot. Unfortunately for him, it's testing time, and he lacks the means to pass. Perhaps somebody can be of assistance...? Oneshot. Happy birthday, Ryō!


**'eyo! Eldest Tempest, with yet another oneshot, this time featuring Ryō Asama, Nora's Buddy. As always, feedback of any kind, so long as it's constructive, is appreciated!  
**

 **FFN still appears to be having some issues with Image Manager, on my computer, at least. The cover image is supposed to be a screencap from the anime, but if it isn't... well, that would be the reason.**

 **Yet again, if you haven't read the manga in full... I would recommend doing so, as this story contains some spoilers from the final few chapters.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Ryō Asama is many things.

Unfortunately, 'intelligent' is not one of them.

"Nora-san!" Ryō exclaimed, running over to his partner, as he waved a sealed envelope about in his hand. "Look what arrived!"

Nora Floriann Leoria shook her head and sighed, placing one hand on her forehead, as if it had begun to hurt. "What is it, Ryō?" Despite the disbandment of the Runaway Spirit Squad, she was still saddled with her idiot Buddy, something that irked her to no end.

Ryō held out the envelope in front of her face. "It's a letter!"

"I can see that," Nora responded, with an annoyed undertone. "What's inside it?"

"Huh?" Ryō pulled the envelope back to him, scrutinizing it carefully. "I… don't know."

Nora proceeded to bury her face in her hand, and gave another irritated sigh. "Then open it and find out."

"Okay, Nora-san!" Ryō acknowledged, offering a salute before setting to work on opening the envelope. A few moments, and one paper cut, later, Ryō pried out the contents stuffed inside.

"Huh? Notification for…" His eyes scanned the text printed on the paper. Nora watched, half out of boredom, half out of mild curiosity.

" _A t-test_?!" he blurted out.

"A test? That doesn't sound so bad," Nora remarked. It then came to her attention about who she was talking to.

"… On second thought, you're likely going to botch this."

"Nora-san!" Ryō cried out, falling to his knees in front of her. "Please help me!"

"No. Not interested," she replied, standing up, as she prepared to go and pour out something soothing to drink. Some medication might also not be a bad idea. Who knew that the human world was so headache inducing?

She then noticed that her legs wouldn't move from their current location. Nora glanced down and noticed that Ryō was clinging to them.

"Nora-san, please!" he begged. "You're smart, and clever, and bright, and intelligent…"

"Those are all the same thing," Nora flatly stated.

"Oh, are they?" Ryō asked, his expression becoming greatly confused.

"Anyway, I'm not even the person to ask for this sort of thing. I don't know, or care, enough about this place," she declared. As she said that, however, she began thinking. _Maybe Haqua would know_?

"Hey," Nora said. "What's this test for, anyway?"

"Hm? Oh, I don't know. I simply saw the word 'test', and broke down," Ryō explained.

This earned him a sharp kick in the gut, as Nora snatched the letter from him. "Useless," she muttered, as she glanced over the contents.

 _Dear Ryō Asama,_

 _This is your scheduled reminder about your upcoming test. Please ensure that you have studied for the following subjects:_

Nora's eyes widened, as she read the sheer volume of required subjects. "Wha… What kind of school do you _go_ to?" she demanded.

"It's a very prestigious establishment," Ryō answered, clutching his gut, due to the pain of the kick. "Also, that really hurt, Nora-sa-"

"Beats me how you got accepted, in the first place," Nora interrupted. "Why are you getting a letter? Don't they tell you this sort of thing in class?"

"… I fall asleep during the lectures," Ryō sheepishly stated.

Nora glared at him for a few seconds, before abruptly smacking him with the letter of reminder. The letter made a popping noise, as it connected with Ryō's face, and a copious amount of paper, apparently stuck and folded to appear shorter, dropped to touch the bottom of the floor. Nora and Ryō both stared at the now significantly lengthened letter, which contained a far longer list of subjects than Nora had previously observed.

"… I'm going to get Haqua for this," Nora decided.

* * *

"Huh? A test?" Haqua inquired.

Haqua du lot Herminium sat with her fellow devil Nora at a coffee table in the house of her Buddy, Yukie Marui. The instant Nora had crossed the threshold of the building, Yukie had played the part of an accommodating host exceedingly well, much to the irritation of Haqua. Now they sat alone, drinking some tea, while Yukie practiced her Tai-chi in another room.

"That… depends on your definition of 'test'," Nora replied.

"Eh?" Haqua tilted her head, as Nora brought out a letter. Her confusion soon morphed into utter astonishment, when Nora unfurled the letter, which proceeded to drop to the floor, and roll across it for some time, before coming to a halt.

"W-What the hell?!" Haqua exclaimed. "What kind of test _is_ that?!"

"Dunno'," Nora answered, placing one elbow on the coffee table, and letting her chin rest in her hand. "The important thing, though, is whether you can help."

Haqua's eyes slowly widened, as she skimmed over the contents printed on the behemoth letter. "I'm… not sure. This isn't the sort of stuff I learned about…"

"Huh?" Nora sardonically asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Weren't you top of the class in your year?"

"W-Well, yeah!" Haqua affirmed. "But we learned about things relevant to our jobs and lives in New Hell. Not any of… _this_." She cast a wary glance at the letter shown to her.

"So, you're of no help whatsoever in this," Nora concluded, abruptly standing up from her chair. "Well, if that's the case, I'll be going. Nice catching up with you," she said, in a sarcastic tone, and turned to leave.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Haqua shouted. Nora turned around to look at her. "I… might know somebody who _could_ help with this."

"Oh?" Nora inquired. "Who is it?"

"I… think you already know him," Haqua stated.

* * *

Keima Katsuragi was not amused.

The reasoning behind his sour mood had numerous culprits for this. Firstly, he had to acquire a new PFP, after his previous one was heart wrenchingly dubbed as 'missing in action'. A somber eulogy was held in its honor, and would be remembered as a true hero that sacrificed itself for the greater good. That alone, however, was not cause for him to be in a foul temper.

No, what truly rankled him was the fact that, even though his contract with New Hell had since ended, he was still subject to constant solicitations from those he had come to know in this long venture. His foot still ached from the treatment it was given a couple days prior, not to mention the fact that Diana had the tendency to break into his house on a frequent basis, to tell him another reason for why Tenri was an ideal choice as a romantic partner. Honestly, the Real never let up with its constant assaults on the fortress of his games.

The most recent offender in this was Haqua du lot Herminium.

" _Nii-sama_ , it's Haqua!" Elsie shouted from downstairs to Keima, who was presently within his lair, playing his games.

"Too bad," he muttered to himself. "I have no time to waste on women of the Real. The God of Conquest must complete his quota!"

"Katsuragi," a voice sounded from behind him.

Keima spun about in his chair, already deducing its identity before confirming the perpetrator.

Haqua stood in the doorway, hefting the mighty Scythe of Testament, making Keima wonder why she brought it with her. Elsie clung to her, bearing an absolutely delighted expression. Haqua, on the other hand, appeared to be very confused by the rapt attention Elsie was paying her, a side effect of when Elsie made herself blood related to Keima, erasing any memories of her being a devil in the process.

"Er… could you tell her to let go?" Haqua requested.

"Eri," Keima stated.

Elsie at once snapped to attention, hurrying over to Keima' side. The instant she did so, Keima bonked her on the head. "She doesn't remember you anymore, you bug demon!" he explained in a harsh undertone.

"Uuuuuuuu," Elsie whined, rubbing her head in pain. "Sorry, _nii-sama_ …"

Haqua gave Keima an odd look, then began regarding Elsie with a curious expression. "Hey, haven't I-"

"Not at all," Keima cut in, turning back to his games. "So, what is it you wanted?"

Through the reflection of one of the many screens Keima used for his games, he saw Haqua awkwardly shift about, as though trying to figure out how to phrase her next words.

"I need your help," she finally said.

"No. Busy," Keima callously responded, and continued to play.

A moment later, he was rewarded with the Scythe of Testament crashing into him from his left, and sending him careening into the nearby wall. " _Grhk_!"

"Dammit, Katsuragi, just help this once!" Haqua shouted.

Keima rubbed the side of his face, readjusting his glasses as he did so. "You could ask more politely," he replied. "Fine. What is it you need?"

Haqua explained it to him.

* * *

"Hm? You brought Katsuragi?" Nora asked.

Katsuragi sat at the far end of the table, where he, his sister Eri, Haqua, Nora, and Ryō found themselves discussing the problem of the test. Or, rather, where Haqua and Nora seemed to be discussing it. Katsuragi was in the middle of conquering yet another heroine in a game. Eri tried to pay attention at first, however the volume of subjects soon overwhelmed her, and she resorted to playing with a toy fire truck. Ryō, quite simply, was paying no heed whatsoever to the conversation at hand, and this elicited him a few clouts on the head, courtesy of Nora.

"So, is Katsuragi some form of academic genius, or something?" Nora inquired, with a tinge of skepticism.

"Of course," Katsuragi replied, eyes still fixed on the PFP. "My scores are at the top of the class."

"I find that hard to believe," Nora remarked. "I strongly doubt that you of all people would- Huh?"

She was cut off, as Katsuragi suddenly thrust a paper forward, holding it in front of her face, while keeping one hand, and his eyes, still glued to the PFP, evidently having no intention of interrupting his progress.

The paper in question appeared to be an evaluation of Katsuragi's grades in school and they were… impressive, to say the least. There was the occasional angry scribble by somebody named Kodama, cursing the aptitude of his student. At the bottom of the paper, four words summarized his overall grade, however this assessment seemed to be written in his own hand.

 _Grade: Certified by God._

 _Well, that's… certainly something_ , Nora thought to herself. Judging by her expression, Haqua appeared to be having similar thoughts of perplexity.

"So, then," Nora said, quickly trying to change the subject from the fact that she had been proven wrong. "You're actually willing to help?"

Katsuragi sighed inwardly. "Lately, it's been made clear to me that it's more efficient to help solve problems rather than ignore them. The sooner we can get this out of the way, the sooner I can get back to my games."

 _Well, that's an honest answer, if there ever was one_. Nora plucked the lengthy letter from its resting place, and slid it across the table to Katsuragi.

Stuffing the paper he had previously held back into his pocket, Katsuragi skimmed over the letter, playing his game without even casting a single glance at it. He soon unfolded the letter, allowing its full contents to reveal themselves, and continued reading.

"Hmph," he scoffed, when he had finally finished. "Child's play." Katsuragi turned to look at Ryō. "Here is what you need to do."

* * *

"Nora-san! The results are in!" Ryō jubilantly exclaimed, clutching a second letter in his hand, as he hurried towards his partner.

Keima, Elsie, and Haqua were also present, the former to see the results of his tutelage, and the latter two merely curious about the proceedings. Keima silently played yet another game, mashing the buttons, whilst keeping an ear out for the results, as he heard the envelope being opened.

" _What_?!" Ryō exclaimed.

"Ryō, you utter incompetent," Nora muttered, shaking her head.

Keima tilted his head to catch a glimpse of the letter. He was able to make out a few words before the letter was sent into a flurry of motion.

 _Seriously? You didn't write down your own date of birth? Try again, Asama_.

"I'm sorry, Nora-san," Ryō blubbered. "I didn't think I needed to know that for the test."

"You would think he'd remember his own birthday, at least…" Haqua stated.

"Well, this _is_ the idiot who had to write 'left' and 'right' on his hands to tell the two apart, after all," Nora pointed out.

"I suddenly feel very relieved I'm not the dunce in the room…" Elsie quietly remarked to herself.

Keima observed the ruckus for a few more seconds, before turning back to his game. _Oh well, it's no concern of mine_ , he thought to himself. _I did what I was asked to do, and I can't be held accountable for anything outside of that. Back to the conquest at hand_.

And so, the God of Conquest returned to the citadel of the 2D realm, not troubling himself with the burdens of the Real. He left the trifles of _that_ place to the other occupants of the room.

After all, there were plenty of conquests remaining.

* * *

 **So, this was shorter than the first two. Unlike the first two, however, this was pure comedy, plain and simple. Whether I succeeded with that endeavor remains to be seen. It's possible that I may revise this at a later date, if there's anything that could be added to it.  
**

 **There really isn't much to talk about with this story. I left the lengthy list of subjects that needed to be studied for the test intentionally blank, to allow the reader to come up with whatever whacky things they want to. Character names changed based on whose point of view it was. For example, Keima and Elsie are referred to as Katsuragi and Eri from Nora's POV. As stated in the manga, neither Haqua nor Nora remember Elsie as being... well, Elsie. Hopefully I've portrayed that well enough. Regarding the fact that Ry** **ō failed solely based on not filling in his birthday? Trust me when I say that certain tests are _strict_. I know my SAT exams were, so I wouldn't be surprised if the same occurred in Maijima as well. Finally, that brief mention about Diana? Actually happens in the spin-off manga. It's great.**

 **Next up, the older sibling of Kusunoki, Hinoki Kasuga, whose birthday is only two days away. I imagine that, due to the tight deadline, the story length will be roughly the same as this one, but who knows? See you then!**


End file.
